《24》

 哈咯

有個剛剛二十四歲的笨蛋回來了

這幾天日程都排得蠻滿的（才怪今天明明幾乎睡了一整天）

回想一下還好象真的是什麽都沒做到

一整天就過去了？

太恐怖了。

其實到現在也在猶豫著是不是應該再多兩天才來寫

先把工作做完？

hmm

確實好象應該這樣

雖然8月28號的日期蠻好看的

那就過幾天再見啦

拜拜哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈

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時空轉移

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我回來了

今天是現在是

2021年八月三十一號

早上四點半

哈哈哈

這幾天 art block 有點嚴重

沒什麽靈感

工作也沒什麽動力

所以昨晚決定早點睡覺

結果今天就那麽早起了哈哈哈

昨晚睡覺的時候做了一個很可愛的夢

像是我爲某人寫了一些東西

然後客人很喜歡

然後就有一個很可愛的 GIF

一個傷心的人讀著書，書也是無力地向下的

然後讀了我寫的東西后

嘴角和書一起上揚

蠻可愛的

XD

這就帶到24嵗生日后

期待自己可以做到的事情 -

不再糾結於去感動全世界的人

或者要全世界的人看到自己

而是更加努力地

去讓那些已經被自己感動的

或者已經看著自己的

看見更加優秀的，發光發熱的自己

哈哈哈

本來是很想要長篇大論一次夢想

但是不知道是不是變得越來越不浪漫了

還是單純矯情不起來

又或者只是單純懶惰

反正實在提不起動力去説太多

不過我還是很開心最近

因爲好多東西感覺都有一點起色

雖然前面那麽説

但果然還是會希望能夠再被多一點人看見

不需要全世界

不過再多一點點

生日的時候

被提醒著很多人在看著的自己

就覺得很幸福

一年有這樣一次提醒

就很夠了

接下來我會拷貝在Lilysteria上説的話：

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我是分割綫

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I hate it when I try to make things all about me, bc I know that I'm such a attention seeker by heart - i think it's all bc I lived such a life performing on stage a lot and it's engraved in my bone to want the whole world to look at me, even my whole life goal rn is to leave smth behind for the world to remember me with when I'm dead! 

But at the same time my stupid confidenceless self always back off from opportunities and keep myself in disbeliefs and self doubts, bc despite my grinds and efforts, I wasn't able to grab a spotlight on me, and I have like the worst luck ever when it comes to popularity, clouts, attention, human relationship and etc!  I get envious and jealous easily, but the way i was brought up taught me to take all negative emotions in myself and burn them as my fuel.

That, paired with me being awkward in general and is REALLY bad with words, as in expressing my own feelings, had me feeling like an alien. I read books and poems, which became such a blessing and at the same time a curse. I found something that I could grab onto, deciphering other people's emotion and experience through the context in between the lines. I found comfort in poetries and texts, and eventually found myself started writing myself, and started concealing my whole world of feelings, not in the words themselves, but within the spaces and lines in between them.

[10:38 PM]

It kept me sane and content, which is the blessing part - but at the same time I just,, gradually lost the ability to just speak my loves and hates straight up just like that. I became someone that , if i'm a cup of beverage, I would literally be a plain glass of water. I have no strong emotions, I don't seem to particularly love or hate anything, and most of the time I just appear,,, disconnected? Like towards the happenings and people around me. 

BUT I DO!! I promise I do. Even I myself forget about this most of the time, but the luck that I lack in the popularity and clouts, God substituted it with each and every single one of you here in the server!

I'm truly a lucky piece of shit to have lived a life that led me here. To be able to stay in my room 24/7 drawing anime girls and chasing my dream, and having somewhere to share the shards of said dream on a daily basis, and where i get supports and helps all over the Earth. Whenever I think about it this way, I'd fall into a rabbit hole of goodvibes!

I am well aware that I don't express this enough but I do love all of you, your arts and your OCs and whenever I see you guys are happy and fluffs on Goodvibes it really does feel like i'm watching my own grandchildren finding happiness <3

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我是分割綫

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如你所見

我的想法基本上就是如此

明明24嵗該是個完整的大人了

但是自己永遠都像個小孩

而且對於自己幾乎不切實際的夢想

真的會不惜賭上人生

至少這五到十年的人生

爲了這個

我能放棄的有好多

因爲堅信自己是個優秀的人

所以覺得這十年

值得浪費

要是你覺得我現在有點語無倫次

那是真的

因爲雖然早睡早起了

腦袋卻還是很混沌

總覺得很對不起24這個標題啊

不過與其更加絞盡腦汁地在這裏糾結

更想快速的記錄一下心情

然後回去投身於努力的自我陶醉之中

所以就先這樣吧

等想要矯情的時候

自然會回來矯情

但是眼下

我只想

再回去補一點眠

然後再次睡醒

再次面對世界

晚安早安

陳富德24嵗生日快樂

你要加油

:>